Need helping coping and understanding.

I'm sorry to hear this
Praying for her and you

Still praying for you guys @djetok

Well this has all taken a toll on mom . In the last 3 weeks she has taken a turn. The poor sweet lady has fallen so many times, its a amazing she has not broke a hip. She has been to the hospital 2 times, first time 6 staples to the back of the head. The second time 3 staples to the top of her head. Hospice is at the memory care facility 7 days a week. The facility has done a very good job with her. They increased her adavan to 4 times per day, and she is now in a broda chair )recliner on wheels basically). Just yesterday we approved them going to morphine shots, as she cannot swallow well at all. I know that my dear mom's end is near, while I am tearing up while I am typing this. I know our lord is waiting for her with open arms, and my father is peeking around him put his eyes on his beautiful bride.

I'm sorry to hear this and wish I could say or do more to help, I am praying for your mom and your family,

@djetok we'll keep you, your Mom, and your family in our prayers.

@djetok , your not alone here. Many can and will offer a shoulder, an ear, a hand. If you can, and I know if it tough these days the way employers expect to own you. But if you can, enjoy her final days with her several hours or more each day. The hospice nurse will know as transition approaches and as she starts toward a new beginning. And yes, she will know her husband and all of those that went before her are there. One of my probably lifetime memories was and will be, holding my moms hand as she passed to those that had open arms for her. What was a struggle for days, and agony for us, in a moment, brought a smile to her face, and a wave to those that welcomed her. I will never forget that smile. It showed and confirmed, that there is a place for all of us. And that we will meet again. That moment, renewed all the memories of my mom and the life she gave me. My thoughts and prayers for you and your family are yours.

djetok said:

Well this has all taken a toll on mom . In the last 3 weeks she has taken a turn. The poor sweet lady has fallen so many times, its a amazing she has not broke a hip. She has been to the hospital 2 times, first time 6 staples to the back of the head. The second time 3 staples to the top of her head. Hospice is at the memory care facility 7 days a week. The facility has done a very good job with her. They increased her adavan to 4 times per day, and she is now in a broda chair )recliner on wheels basically). Just yesterday we approved them going to morphine shots, as she cannot swallow well at all. I know that my dear mom's end is near, while I am tearing up while I am typing this. I know our lord is waiting for her with open arms, and my father is peeking around him put his eyes on his beautiful bride.

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Very sorry to hear this and I know exactly what you are going through. My dad was back in hospital the week before last and is now back in rehab. They aren't sure what happened, but we suspect another stroke. Now he pretty much can't see at all. Add to that more cognitive attrition, and I think he's getting ready to give up too. So sad to watch our strong tough parents succumb to the challenges of old age....he also just wants to go home, and likely we will pull him out of rehab soon as he's not really making much/if any progress. Then we'll need to see if he WANTS to live....I fear he's reached that point where he's wondering "what's the point? I can't see, can't walk....."

I hope I go out with a bang....not this slow gradual decline and loss of abilities....sucks!

Hang in there djetok!

I'm so sorry and definitely feel for what you are going through.

We just went through this all with my mother in law, who was closer to me than my actual mother. She lived across the street from us for 30 years, she was an amazing person and her, my wife and I were a "team" in raising our two children. She lasted 10 years after first being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I won't tell you how long she lasted at the end without food or water, let's just say she came from strong Wyoming ranch stock! Finally we told her she really needed to let go and we gave her a kiss and left to get some dinner. She passed when we were out of the room. (I'm saying that part because it's very common. Don't be afraid or feel bad about giving her "alone" time. Often they don't want their loved ones to have to see them go.)

There's nothing I can say about this part that others haven't already said, it's just really hard going through this "before" part. I do have a couple thoughts that might help the "after" part though..

(IMHO) there is ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that they "stick around" after to make sure you're all ok. She WILL be with you after she's done with her worn out physical body. Don't feel silly talking to her. Keep an eye out for "signs" that she's still around keeping an eye on you. After my dad died, my sister, brother and I were blown away with the things our dad did. He sent us "messages" long after he passed. Some of them were blatantly obvious, others were subtle. ALL of them were just trying to tell us he was fine and everything was going to be ok. And all of them also were him trying to tell us he'd always be there keeping an eye on us. My mom and dad have been gone for 10 years now. They let me know they're still watching over me every once in awhile. My dad was always more "vocal", but my mom gave us the most stunning "message" after she had been gone for 3 months that our whole family will never forget.

Here's an example of subtle little signs that, at least to me, show us that our loved ones are there watching out for us. This just happened yesterday. Our daughter's husband (our son-in-law that's really like our son actually) is a captain in the army. He just left for a 9 month deployment to Iraq. She's on the other side of the country from us and she's obviously having a hard time with this first deployment of his career. She dropped him off at the airport and on her way back home stopped at a Taco Bell to get something to eat. She sticks her hand in the bag and pulls out the only hot sauce packet, and on it was this... "They always come back". She knew exactly who "sent" it to her, it was a message from her grandma, my wife's mom in the first part of my post. Our daughter and her were like two peas in a pod, they were SO close since the day she was born. She's been making sure our daughter is ok her entire life, AND after she passed. Some people would laugh at us assuming it was a "message" from the neather world, but we've seen too much to think these things are just silly coincidences. They aren't. I don't go to church and I'm not really into praying to any god, but I truly believe in the power of the universe and the power of the human soul. You just have to be open to seeing things that might not be blatantly obvious. Now my mom's image in a window where a dozen of us in the room could see and talk to her 3 months after she died? Yeah, sometimes they're not so subtle!

So my point in all this is hang in there, but don't worry, she's simply going to get rid of that old worn out body so she can move around easier. That way she'll be there when you're out on your boat, or hanging out with your family, or going through tough times yourself. That bond between you two can never be broken. It's there for this life, and most likely has been there before and will be after. Just keep an eye out and be open to her. She'll make sure you're ok. She'll be fine. In fact, she'll be FREEEEEEEEEE! Don't feel sad for her, be excited that she's going on an amazing journey.

txav8r said:

@djetok , your not alone here. Many can and will offer a shoulder, an ear, a hand. If you can, and I know if it tough these days the way employers expect to own you. But if you can, enjoy her final days with her several hours or more each day. The hospice nurse will know as transition approaches and as she starts toward a new beginning. And yes, she will know her husband and all of those that went before her are there. One of my probably lifetime memories was and will be, holding my moms hand as she passed to those that had open arms for her. What was a struggle for days, and agony for us, in a moment, brought a smile to her face, and a wave to those that welcomed her. I will never forget that smile. It showed and confirmed, that there is a place for all of us. And that we will meet again. That moment, renewed all the memories of my mom and the life she gave me. My thoughts and prayers for you and your family are yours.

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Thank you. I own my business and have great employees. I sit with every afternoon. The hospice nurse just left and feels it will be days since she has not consumed water since yesterday and that wasn' much.

djetok said:

Thank you. I own my business and have great employees. I sit with every afternoon. The hospice nurse just left and feels it will be days since she has not consumed water since yesterday and that wasn' much.

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Hospice nurses are amazing people (the ones I dealt with)....

Julian said:

Hospice nurses are amazing people (the ones I dealt with)....

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I agree. With the ice we have here and she was told she didn't need to go. She went to my mom anyways.

You doing ok djetok?

Make sure you take care of YOURSELF during this time. No doubt your mom would kick your @ss if you didn't make sure you and your family are ok while she goes through this process. Hang in there. Your job is to just make sure she's comfortable and not in any pain. She knows you all love her, she doesn't need you all to be there 24/7 to see that.

We are doing great she went to be with our lord last night. Her pain is gone, she is in a better place. Everything works out for different reasons. We went to setup the rest of the service that is Sunday. My dad prepaid and set everything up. Our pastor recently changed churches and my mother loved him. Oddly enough, talking to the funeral director he said that Gary B is now an ordained pastor. I was so excited, because he knew my parents and was my baseball coach. I called him immediately and he came to the funeral home and is doing the service. I was sad last night of course, but I know she is happy, not sick, and with my pop. She was never the same after his passing. She was 18 when they married , married for 51 years and less than 4 years after his passing. They are back together again, in a very glorious place .

@djetok , it is hard to tell someone going through this transition, that you will be so relieved after. Because it sounds to even yourself, like you want them to go. But you just don’t want them to suffer. I hope you rejoice in her life, your life with her, and carry her with you always. I’m sorry for your loss, but glad she is reunited with her loved ones!

My family and I would like to offer our condolences to you and your family.

On this shore, we see the ship as departing and we are rightfully sad to say goodbye, but there are those on the far shore who see the ship as arriving, and are waiting with cheerful greetings and open arms.

djetok said:

We are doing great she went to be with our lord last night. Her pain is gone, she is in a better place. Everything works out for different reasons. We went to setup the rest of the service that is Sunday. My dad prepaid and set everything up. Our pastor recently changed churches and my mother loved him. Oddly enough, talking to the funeral director he said that Gary B is now an ordained pastor. I was so excited, because he knew my parents and was my baseball coach. I called him immediately and he came to the funeral home and is doing the service. I was sad last night of course, but I know she is happy, not sick, and with my pop. She was never the same after his passing. She was 18 when they married , married for 51 years and less than 4 years after his passing. They are back together again, in a very glorious place .

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While death is sad I believe giving Jesus a big bear hug after long suffering like that is probably the most amazing thing ever!

Condolences to you and your family @djetok.

Thank you all for the help.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss but I'm glad that her suffering is over. Rejoice in knowing you knew your mom and the enjoy the memories and make the same for your children and grandchildren. Live your life fulfilling it today because you are not promised tomorrow.

Take care @djetok. So sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing with us.

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