Lawson2479
Jetboaters Lieutenant
- Messages
- 168
- Reaction score
- 78
- Points
- 157
- Location
- Laurel Lake KY
- Boat Make
- Yamaha
- Year
- 2007
- Boat Model
- AR
- Boat Length
- 23
MY Wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station!
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'he's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I say, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started....
*************** ************ ******* ********** ***********
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember, you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk ?"
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And then the fight started.....
_____________________________________
A man is sitting in the cool of the evening on the veranda with his wife. Suddenly he says gently , “I love you.”
She smiles shyly, and asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?
He replies, “It’s me…………. talking to the beer."
And then the fight started.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station!
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'he's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I say, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started....
*************** ************ ******* ********** ***********
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember, you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk ?"
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And then the fight started.....
_____________________________________
A man is sitting in the cool of the evening on the veranda with his wife. Suddenly he says gently , “I love you.”
She smiles shyly, and asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?
He replies, “It’s me…………. talking to the beer."
And then the fight started.
