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To this thought, caring for a child, especially in the early years, is very demanding. Can it be done without help, oh absolutely. But it does take a toll on a couple, with exhaustion and stress. Everyone handles this differently. There is something very fulfilling about raising your kids without help. Then again, there is also a lot of relief that comes with external help. As you have read above, no "correct way to do it", just don't be shy about paying or asking for help because it may just be that you will need it.
Having her help will be good, that’s what we’re doing now but we need to find daycare part time too.
Kids are a full time job and then some. When they’re really little no one is sleeping well and your world is turned upside down and you need the time they are sleeping to just catch up on life or sleep yourself. Then they start moving and you’re chasing them around literally every minute they are awake.
You can’t realistically do everything at a high level so it leads to frustration and resentment and feeling like you’re letting down the kid when you have to focus on work and vice versa. I don’t mean outright ignoring the kid, just trying to do all the right things like make healthy meals, reading and teaching them, taking them places to play with other kids and all that.
If you have a job that truly has no schedule and limited interaction with others it would be better. My son has zero respect for my Outlook calendar.
Do you and your mother in law get along well? Hopefully you do and that your relationship with her won't be strained. (For what it's worth, my mother in law is fantastic, love having her around. Any and all help she provided in those first years was very welcome.)
One thing that I changed my mind on was co-sleeping (i was definitely not a fan of the idea at first). Having the kid in the bed with us from birth to about 18 months was the best thing for our combined sanity. Diaper change? I was able to do that with my eyes closed and be back asleep again in like 90 seconds. Feeding time? Wife popped out a boob and she+kid would just fall asleep again in the process. (Our joke was that wife handled input duty, I handled output doody.) Bottom line on this: changing your mind can sometimes be the best thing you can do. And if you really go down that road, consider a slightly larger bed (queen -> king) or get one of these sidecar things that straps on to the side of the bed where kid can have dedicated space.
Best advice I can offer - be a partner with everyone: wife, mother in law, and kid. Unfortunately, I know many dads who check(ed) out and expect(ed) their partner to do everything and leave them alone. Unless you're all cool with that sort of thing, it's a recipe for disaster.
Me and the wife and are going to start trying for a kid later this year. Just curious what you guys with new borns see for monthly costs all in? Probably seems like a weird question but I like always be prepared and plan ahead.
A lot. If I was to guess, my little guy is probably a 2000 a month expense. That's like, before medical bills or any of that. Daycare is like 1200 a month, swim lessons are 120, diapers, food, etc... They're a lot more money than you think they will be, lol.
Once upon a child or similar is good for the large amount of clothes you'll go through. That said, you get to have your first child once. I wouldn't penny pinch it to death. Strollers are worth spending the grand for an uppababy on. Save yourself the headache later on an plan to formula supplement. It's easier on both of you, and God forbid if breastfeeding doesn't work out you've got your exit route planned. A new mom that isn't doing well breast feeding is about the most no win situation there is.
Forget the idea of working from home effectively and having a baby. As others said, they're a constant time sink. When my wife and I both wfh with the kiddo, we are at best 60% effective. It's not sustainable for you, or your employers. Also be prepared for the relentless barrage of your wife wanting to become a no work stay at home mom, depending on what she does that's not a bad option.
Also, forget about free time. You don't really get to have hobbies anymore, especially when they're really little. My guys not yet a year old and I can honestly say I've gotten virtually 0 projects done since he was born, and don't expect that to cha ge anytime soon. You'll have maybe 2 hours a day to yourselves, so if you want to work out, watch TV, have a hobby or friends, etc... That's your window of time.
Another thing we did (my wife did) was once my youngest turned 2 she started watching our friends new born son and 20 months after that she started watching there twin girls. That help out quit a bit with cash. I don't know how she did it, my wife is very organized. She would take all 5 to the zoo and parks and made it look easy. I would take just my two boys to Home Depot and would need a nap after that.
Kids are great when they are young, and the teenage years are well exciting and scary. My daughter has been dating this man child since 8 th grade and he was barely smaller than me then at 6'1". Love them as much as you can, it goes fast. She has already got enough credits to graduate, and she still has her senior year left to do college courses. She has a good head on her shoulders, but I have concerns she is going to follow him and not her goals. He doesn't know where he is going to school yet as he has yet to commit to many of his D-1 offers. I'm not ready to lose my youngest daughter, but I'm excited for her.
Kids are great when they are young, and the teenage years are well exciting and scary. My daughter has been dating this man child since 8 th grade and he was barely smaller than me now at 6'1". Love them as much as you can, it goes fast. She has already got enough credits to graduate, and she still has her senior year left to do college courses. She has a good head on her shoulders, but I have concerns she is going to follow him and not her goals. He doesn't know where he is going to school yet as he has yet to commit to many of his D-1 offers. I'm not ready to lose my youngest daughter, but I'm excited for her.
He actually does just bigger at 6'6" 285 lbs as a Junior. Man, kids are huge now a days. I was one of the biggest kids in my school at 6'1" and played as a lineman on both sides. Now a days that's a small QB!
Kids don’t play by themselves, constantly need supervision, are very loud, have zero patience or understanding of “I’m on a call” or “just a minute”, and they couldn’t care less about anything you “need” to get done. Your biggest mistake will be thinking they’ll be subservient or differential to you/your wife and your schedules. Once they arrive you work for them and they expect prompt service. Anything less and your eardrums pay the price. Trust me, working from home and watching a new born will seem like it works for early on when they sleep 90% of the time but that’s short lived. It’s a trap. They require constant stimulation and that’s no conducive to multitasking much less actually getting work done. Plan for daycare, otherwise you’re planning to fail. My credentials: I have three boys between the ages of 2 - 10. My wife is a full time Mom and if our oldest two weren’t in school/daycare I couldn’t work from home. And that’s with a 3 story house to hide in.
Cost varies a lot. My healthy daughter has lots of band and travel expenses. My son who has muscular dystrophy needs $1,200 a month of medicine, typically has a $300 a month payment to the hospital, needed $40K of equipment not covered by insurance to go back to school last August and just had a $105K surgery that I am being billed $20K for despite having a $6,500 maximum out of pocket plan.
Everybody is different. When we first had our children we drove old cars, lived in some not so great places and couldn't think about affording a boat. It looks like you are way ahead. We have 3 grown children. Wouldn't change a thing. You make it work as you go.
