How do you handle Telemarketers?

[Julian]

I like to answer telemarketers with "Pool-a-rama can I help you?", and then proceed to try and sell them a pool. Most hang up right away. But once I had one lady stay on the line for enough time for me to attempt to sell her a pool, hottub, jacuzzi spa, a bucket and a cup (I worked my way down in size). I was in tears of laughter by the time I hung up! She was very nice and kept saying, "No I don't want a pool" etc so I kept going trying to find something she'd buy.

My wife was watching me and laughing. I've only had that one woman stay on the line more than 30 seconds. Most just hang up on me. Others ask me if this is a business and I say "Yes" - which will typically result in them removing you from their list.

I did have one person still try and get money out of me, and I simply said...."I'll donate as much as you order", they hung up! LOL

What do you do?

 

[Murf'n'surf]

I guess my method is somewhat boring. If I don't recognize the number on the caller ID you don't get to chat with me. Usually I pick up and hang up just to get the phone to quit ringing so I don't have to listen to our recording followed by the annoying dial tone.

 

[GTBRMC]

I have asked the telemarketer for his home phone number before.

Usually, we just use the method Murf described.

 

[davel501]

I blocked the common ones through the Comcast web app.

My favorite is when "Microsoft" calls. I make them troubleshooting putting back together my oldest PC. I got one guy so mad he said he would f*** my sister extra hard that night. My friends and I always do mom jokes so I immediately laughed so hard it made him madder.

 

[Britboater]

Hello, Sheriffs office.
But so many are from over seas and reading from a script, they don't hear you right or just don't get your humor, they are really annoying though.

 

[Ronnie]

I just say, "not interested"'and hang up or I don't answer at all based on the area code / caller's ID.

I did buy something once years ago, the guys intro was "how would you like a set of girls gone wild videos for free", I ended up paying $10 for shipping and giving the DVDs to friends as gag gifts for Xmas.

 

[Julian]

Hello, Sheriffs office.
But so many are from over seas and reading from a script, they don't hear you right or just don't get your humor, they are really annoying though.

I like the Sheriff's dept one....might have to try that one for fun! Some other ones that might be amusing:

"Hello, you've reached the syphilis hotline, how can I help you?"
"Sex addicts anonymous, how can help you?
"Sperm Donor help line..."
"Argument line, what would you like to argue about?" (Monty Python Inspired)

 

[GiddYupJoe]

I have asked the telemarketer for his home phone number before.

Usually, we just use the method Murf described.

Like this....

 

[BigN8]

I politely say, hang on a minute I gotta go flip a grilled cheese I am cooking. Then I set the phone down and leave them hanging.

 

[itsdgm]

If I have the time to screw with them I usually start with an "I'm not interested". Which always falls on deaph ears. After that it's game on ...... I start the clock to see how much of their time I can waste.

 

[sstegh]

I'm sure most have heard this but it cracks me up every time! This is recorded from the Bob and Tom show. Comedian Tom Mabe.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...eGFvjMbsfoBD91gNA&sig2=A7YyibXfGyMMHvCJlJrnmQ

 

[MIDLIFECRISIS]

You do realize that you called the Army right?

 

[Wayloncle]

You do realize that you called the Army right?

When I lived in base housing I would always use the "you know you are soliciting on a federal installation?"
That usually shut them up quick, I haven't had a home phone in a long time so I haven't dealt with them in a good while.

 

[Andy S]

I'm sure most have heard this but it cracks me up every time! This is recorded from the Bob and Tom show. Comedian Tom Mabe.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=jN2MVJSEMcGzyATTnYLADA&url=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-7OgWcwgB50&ved=0CBwQtwIwAA&usg=AFQjCNHZ3T6UmsDmMeGFvjMbsfoBD91gNA&sig2=A7YyibXfGyMMHvCJlJrnmQ

Tom Mabe is great, he's on the John Boy & Billy morning show all the time. Here is my favorite of his gags, he is calling the telemarketers at a telemarketers conference.

 

[scokill]

My response is to not get them any more. I have Vonage home phone as I need landline for work and because we've had the number for so long. You can do simulring on Vonage where it ring as many numbers are you program simultaneously. I've added my GoogleVoice line to ring at the same time. Google voice has a telemarketer database and it automatically blocks calls. If one gets through I log on and mark it to block and send to this number has been disconnected recording. When auto dialers get the DTMF tones of the disconnected message a certain number of times it will remove you from the database. It's taken my unwanted telemarketing calls down to almost zero. I have my GoogleVoice voicemail set to a higher number than my home answering machine so it never picks up, just screens calls.

 

[itsdgm]

"NO, NO" classic

 

[txav8r]

I don't answer anyone I don't know, not anyone! If you want to talk to me, leave a message. If your a telemarketer, you won't get a callback, but they never leave a message. I answered a call from Marriott the other day...I have a rewards card and thought it might be regarding a stay and a charge I had removed. It wasn't...selling vacation crap. I listened...didn't want to make an immediate decision, and wanted a callback number...they wouldn't give one but rather said they would call back. I decided against it, and they have called now 2 days in a row and I let it ring...they never leave a message! Funny. This has to cost them a bundle!

 

[007]

Right after college I rented an apartment with a buddy. I partied a lot back then and was prone to not making it home most nights. One morning, for some reason my roommate stayed out all night and I made it home. The phone rang at 8am and a very nice lady from a carpet cleaning company asked to speak to my roommate. Trying to clear the fog from my head, I explained that he was not there. It was then I learned he had been stringing her on for a couple of weeks telling her he just needed to speak with his roommate (me) before we hired her company to clean our carpets. My buddy was not a morning person, so I guess he just wanted to screw with her because she woke him up. I was a little hung over, but I tried to explain to the very nice lady that we rented an apartment and carpet cleaning wasn't high on our list. Cheerfully, she then explained that they cleaned furniture too. Finally I ran out of patience and said "Look, we are two single guys in our early 20's. How much furniture do you think we own that is worth cleaning anyway?"

 

[biglar155]

"Please remove this number from your list."

<click>

 

[Speedling]

Answer hang up
Or, if they are good and get me to answer it with some legit looking number, i tell them they need to talk to the guy in charge and give it to my 5 year old son. After a while he will just bring it back and say "it's for you daddy!" At which point i give it to his sister. If the person is still on and waiting, i start asking them life lesson questions about how they feel being a telemarketer and how that will help them down the road or what kind of legacy are they leaving for their children etc