Who knows your stuff if you die?

[Wayloncle]

I've often thought about this when someone dies, is there someone that knows where you keep your will? Does someone know where your safety deposit box keys are? Do they know what bank it is at?

Being in the military it was pretty much a requirement to have a will, I have a living will as well, it'd be easy for someone to find mine if my wife and I both passed away, they are in a fire safe in a closet with the key in the key hole.

My Cousin just passed away Sunday morning, she was 64, lived alone and was pretty private with her business stuff, she owns a very successful liquor store and some other investment buildings and such in NW Arkansas. Her sister has been staying with her for the last few weeks because of an issue but no one thought she was on her deathbed. My mom and her sister has been at her house digging through everything trying to find clues to where her will and paperwork is, they know she had a safety deposit box but don't know which bank, can't find any keys, no one even knows what her lawyer's name is. They can't find keys to get into her office at the store, (it was just a personal office, not really needed to run the store) but she hasn't been in it for several months herself.
I know all this will get worked out over the next several weeks, but it sure does suck for my mom and her sister.

A couple other issues make it even more stressful, she has turned into a hoarder over the last several years so her house is crammed full of junk, my mom said they have went through probably 40 purses that look like they are filled with everyday items ready to be used, so they can't even tell which one she used the most.
Her ex-husband showed up telling them to leave so he can take care of everything, which they know she has cut him out of everything, he is just wanting her money.

It is a mess! Just something to think about since tomorrow is never promised! Never know when it is your time, unfortunately.

 

[Murf'n'surf]

This is always good info to give to your will executor! Without that info it's almost like a scavenger hunt to figure out what to do next.

 

[Big Shasta]

Ugh Waylon, that sucks for your family.

It's crazy how family (or ex family like the husband) smell a payday and all of the sudden are concerned/saddened.

I need to have this conversation with my Mom when I go there at Christmas. I'm sure she has my sister involved with all that since she lives down the street but who knows, she might not. I don't want anything she has (even though we've paid for most of it) but I know my siblings will fight like cats and dogs for whatever they can get. Sad.

 

[JROD]

I've often thought about this when someone dies, is there someone that knows where you keep your will? Does someone know where your safety deposit box keys are? Do they know what bank it is at?

Being in the military it was pretty much a requirement to have a will, I have a living will as well, it'd be easy for someone to find mine if my wife and I both passed away, they are in a fire safe in a closet with the key in the key hole.

My Cousin just passed away Sunday morning, she was 64, lived alone and was pretty private with her business stuff, she owns a very successful liquor store and some other investment buildings and such in NW Arkansas. Her sister has been staying with her for the last few weeks because of an issue but no one thought she was on her deathbed. My mom and her sister has been at her house digging through everything trying to find clues to where her will and paperwork is, they know she had a safety deposit box but don't know which bank, can't find any keys, no one even knows what her lawyer's name is. They can't find keys to get into her office at the store, (it was just a personal office, not really needed to run the store) but she hasn't been in it for several months herself.
I know all this will get worked out over the next several weeks, but it sure does suck for my mom and her sister.

A couple other issues make it even more stressful, she has turned into a hoarder over the last several years so her house is crammed full of junk, my mom said they have went through probably 40 purses that look like they are filled with everyday items ready to be used, so they can't even tell which one she used the most.
Her ex-husband showed up telling them to leave so he can take care of everything, which they know she has cut him out of everything, he is just wanting her money.

It is a mess! Just something to think about since tomorrow is never promised! Never know when it is your time, unfortunately.

Sorry to hear, our thoughts & prayers for you & family. Great advise, but sad enough it is most often the case even in the military. Had to deal with it myself several times as a Survivor Assistance Officer, never easy, but a most honorable duty.

 

[Wayloncle]

Ugh Waylon, that sucks for your family.

It's crazy how family (or ex family like the husband) smell a payday and all of the sudden are concerned/saddened.

I need to have this conversation with my Mom when I go there at Christmas. I'm sure she has my sister involved with all that since she lives down the street but who knows, she might not. I don't want anything she has (even though we've paid for most of it) but I know my siblings will fight like cats and dogs for whatever they can get. Sad.

It is sad how children/siblings/ex-people, act when something like this happens. Everyone thought she had her niece ready to handle everything since they were so close, but she didn't.
When my ex wife's Grandfather got real bad with Cancer 20 years ago my xMIL took care of him in her house until he passed away, during that time his two other Children had an Auction at his house and sold everything and kept what they wanted, my xMIL got nothing, not even something small for memories. They did this before he was even gone, and never came to visit, ask if they could help or anything..

I need to do the same with my mom, she has lived alone ever since I moved out 20 something years ago, she has always kept private and is notorious for hiding important stuff. She would hide cash in the most random places. I assume she has a will and everything, but I need to make sure.

 

[Britboater]

My father passed away suddenly when I was 23, there was no will and no idea what, where or who should do what.
Not sure with US law, but we had to appoint a lawyer who put his estate in probate, basically asking if anybody wanted to claim on his estate, it was a nightmare.
Thankfully my dad was a clean living guy so the estate was just split between me and my two sisters.
My wife and I have a will, we have told the kids, sisters, brothers, parents which solicitors holds a copy, but also we have a copy in our office, I would not want anybody to go through what I did with my dad.

 

[Bruce]

Our wills are setup so that everything goes to the other spouse if one passes. In the case that we both pass my parents receive all assets and our children. If they are unable to do so then one of my brothers is the backup. My parents and my brother both have printed and emailed copies of our wills. There is a clearly marked folder in our filing cabinet that contains life insurance documents, bank account info and instructions to send final invoices for my business.

 

[Julian]

Yup...wills are critical otherwise you end up in probate and lawyers end up getting lots of money working out who gets what. Same applies with healthcare directives....my mom never clearly stated what she wanted us to do in the event she was incapacitated, so we had to decide. Would have been much less stressful on my Dad if she'd spelled it out to some degree. The more specific you can be in all of this...the better!

 

[justason]

When my dad passed he was very organized, but in a very analog way. notebooks and a file folder in his house had most everything, but was at risk for theft. I knew his bank passwords and pins which helped a great deal. He also had me a equal name on everything he possessed. financial or tangible. THAT is very rare but made things very easy to execute on without involving lawyers or the courts. He knew I would act in accordance with his wishes and would not disrespect the responsibility.

My mother-in law passed away last week. My wife has a near exact situation with her estate and things will be a great deal smoother than the norm.

I will do this someday with my son. In the meantime between Quicken, excel, strong encryption and protected/updated thumb drives, My kids can recreate my digital life seamlessly. They know my pins, combos and hideouts.......In the gawd awful event all 4 of us get taken out....well.....it'll work itself out
A strong will, power of attorney, and definitive statements go without saying

sorry for your loss........My mother-in-law will be buried tomorrow, It's amazing to me the energy, resources, strength (cost) it takes to inter a person. .....

 

[Glen]

I'm not that smart-
Dave Ramsey is our financial coach-
Wife and I did his Financial Peace Course 10 years ago, and it has been working really well for us. We don't follow it perfectly, but we have a 'true North' that we deviate from, conciously (and together).
We are currently working through his Legacy Series, that crosses every t, yadda, yadda-
https://www.daveramsey.com/legacy/home/

 

[Speedling]

I know I've heard about wills plenty of times, and it's probably time to do something. But how do you go about it? Is this a lawyer thing? Can I just write a bunch of stuff up and sign it?
Never really worried about a will much less next week! I have a hard enough time with today and tomorrow!

*Edit* The Dave Ramsey stuff is pretty awesome btw... Never did a full course, just little seminars, but great points and sets out flaws in your own line of thinking really quickly!

 

[Murf'n'surf]

You could scratch out random things that you want but getting it notarized is the key to make it carry any weight.

Legalzoom.com has a pre made fill in the blanks will format that you buy and then take to your local notary to make legal. Simple and totally legal.

 

[HawkTX]

This is a tough thing for you and your family and my thoughts and prayers are with you. My Dad passed back in September and I miss him dearly (he was 10 days from seeing his 80th birthday and was so proud of that). They should write a book on the steps he took to make sure everything was a smooth transition because a few years ago he gave me a step by step PDF file on what to do and it made it so much easier through the grieving process to handle everything including a full will and the attorney's number to execute the process. He taught me a valuable lesson to do the same for my family.

 

[rkluck]

I am sorry to hear of your loss and the other complications. It always helps to have a plan and keep people informed. Family (and ex's) can act weird. I have learned this as well from experience and try to keep this to a minimum for myself and my wife. Lots of family complications and we adjust our wishes regularly. I hope you and your family get though this as best as you can and keep the memories as good memories to celebrate her life.