Need your advice on how to handle a neighbor

[Julian]

Don’t post a note on FB out of frustration.
First talk to your neighbor and let him know that you wish he would’ve talked to you in person. This is what you wished he would’ve done for you, correct?
YOU posting something passive aggressively on FB, without talking to your neighbor, will not help yourself or the relationships with anyone in the neighborhood. If you post something that is super kind and focused on building relationships then it will help more. Only after you talk with your neighbor in person. Admit that you messed up too. You could’ve recognized that someone will only contact you about a frustration after they are REALLY frustrated. Identifying your own faults helps people admit to theirs.

Thanks for all the great advice and ideas....everyone.

I didn't think my suggested FB post above was passive aggressive. I neglected to mention that the LEO said other neighbors had complained. I want to get the point out.... pick up a phone!
Most of this subdivision knows me personally. I was the starter for the swim team. I run social events and am the announcer at most of them. I'm approachable to the extreme. I walk our dogs around the neighborhood and stop and talk to people all the time. I'm not that angry guy people are afraid to talk to!

I've cooled down since my first post (as I always do), but this guy's actions are still over the line for a "friend" to have taken. He's going to get a piece of my mind (in the nicest, seething anger below the surface, way possible) and his response and explanation as to why he called the cops without calling me will be the deal breaker.

 

[Cobra Jet Steering LLC]

You Needed to read between the lines when he first texted you "A neighbor who is a close friend texted me to ask if the loud car was coming to my house. I said "yup" its my daughters BF. He offered to pay to buy him a muffler, and I said you could make him that offer, but he likes it loud. The conversation ended. "
That was his attempt to let you know he was going to do something and soon" That was a red flag big time not agreeing with him just pointing it out .

 

[haknslash]

^^this right here!

Your neighbor made his attempt. When you ended the convo with he likes it loud it was likely taken as a big FU by your neighbor that you don’t care and it’s not your issue. I think you didn’t pick up on that.

I would drop it and move on because anything you do after the fact is just going to make it seem worse IMO. Your daughters BF is learning what life lessons and consequences are all about. Let him learn it. Coddling the BF or demanding more from your neighbor are not things to do here.

There are some Obnoxiously loud popping and cracking cars in my neighborhood. This kid in his BMW has the worlds loudest freaking exhaust I swear. I’d love to pour sugar in his gas tank. It sounds soooo shitty and clapped out but I guess that is the rage these days with teenagers. I get it. I was a dumbass too when I was young. They’ll either grow out of it or continue to make bad choices in life and go nowhere.

 

[Julian]

You Needed to read between the lines when he first texted you "A neighbor who is a close friend texted me to ask if the loud car was coming to my house. I said "yup" its my daughters BF. He offered to pay to buy him a muffler, and I said you could make him that offer, but he likes it loud. The conversation ended. "
That was his attempt to let you know he was going to do something and soon" That was a red flag big time not agreeing with him just pointing it out .

It was. The kids then drove quietly from then on and I even had a neighbor who did approach me in person come back and thank me (or actually said thanks to the kid) for getting him to quiet it down.

The neighbor is question is a pussy. I didn't realize just how much of one he is. I have a good enough relationship with the guy that I never would have dreamt he would have felt afraid to tell me he was calling the cops. Turns out he either was afraid to push it(which my other neighbors are saying "what a pussy" also, since they know me), or he didn't think.

 

[Cobra Jet Steering LLC]

Also the person you need to have a talk with is the boy because he needs to know that rules are there for a reason he is representing you and your daughter in your neighborhood and at your home and he shows that he is looking for attention but not willing to take other peoples feelings or needs into account , this usually leads to a very tough time in life and he needs to understand that everything has a price. I had a rule with my 4 kids who are now in their late 30's and early 40's. If you get in trouble and I did not have anything to do with you getting INTO trouble, DON'T come to me to get you out of trouble. Think of this does he like to drink ? does he drive your daughter in the vehicle I wrote a published poem many years ago for a close friend who died in a car accident riding with a drunk boy very fast and he lost control of the vehicle , he was ok she died instantly. Ok good that you did talk to him and he adjusted his habits in your neighborhood that shows respect, I did not see that in the first post.

 

[Cobra Jet Steering LLC]

As for the neighbor just leave it because he will just turn his talents toward you and your family he isn't going to change

 

[Cobra Jet Steering LLC]

You can move to my neighborhood we had a homicide investigation going on across the street a couple days ago. There was an army of police cars , crime scene vans detectives and the medical examiners van there from 630 am to 5 am the following day combing the entire area with metal detectors placing up crime scene tape etc.

 

[Babin Farms]

Just be the better person and walk away. It’s not worth the argument with the neighbor. You’ve seen his true colors now so you know what to expect in the future. When he uses his trailer next time & want to store it at your place again just give him the “nope” & be done.

 

[mark_m]

Don’t post a note on FB out of frustration.
First talk to your neighbor and let him know that you wish he would’ve talked to you in person. This is what you wished he would’ve done for you, correct?
YOU posting something passive aggressively on FB, without talking to your neighbor, will not help yourself or the relationships with anyone in the neighborhood. If you post something that is super kind and focused on building relationships then it will help more. Only after you talk with your neighbor in person. Admit that you messed up too. You could’ve recognized that someone will only contact you about a frustration after they are REALLY frustrated. Identifying your own faults helps people admit to theirs.

Agreed. Take the high road, don’t post anything on social media. It’s beneath you. Don’t roll with pigs in the mud.

 

[mark_m]

Just be the better person and walk away. It’s not worth the argument with the neighbor. You’ve seen his true colors now so you know what to expect in the future. When he uses his trailer next time & want to store it at your place again just give him the “nope” & be done.

Alternatively, you can tell him the outcome of the whole situation and how you would have preferred he handled the situation and resolve things then.

 

[Evil Sports]

All this over a kid who is not even family and makes questionable choices about cars. ?️‍ Oh I had no idea its not even registered....right.

 

[AZMark]

The obnoxiously loud car on my street belongs to the son of two police officers who works some kind of graveyard shift. We’ve grown accustomed to it

You got plenty of good advice here on how to (or not to) talk to the neighbor but you need to talk to this kid. He’s making some stupid ass choices for an 18 year old about a car that he’s driving your daughter around in. There’s no process of buying & registering a car, you own it or don’t. No 18 year old should be trying to flag down the police with anything intentionally illegal about their car either (tint, exhaust, etc). There are plenty of extreme misunderstandings with late night traffic stops over these seemingly minor things as they put LEO on edge.

Being a partially recovered dipshit asshole myself, I’ll tell you those probably aren’t the only bad choices he’s making, they’re just what he got caught on this time. Street racing goes hand in hand with shitbox cars like you’re describing and in any crowd willing to break a law or two there are others that will break many more. Talk to him and your daughter before you worry about your neighbor.

 

[BigN8]

The guy has every right to call the authorities. Some just don't like conflict. Especially in todays environment when just looking at someone the wrong way gets you into a scrap. He mentioned it to you passively, you blew him off with that statement "the kid like it loud" crap. That's pretty mush saying, F you he's to gonna do shit about it.

My neighbor across the street had this old POS Ford F-350 dually that started leaking oil real bad. It would leak so much oil, that the oil was literally running down the gutter. I said something to him about it. He kinda blew me off with, yeah we'll try and fix it. After a week of seeing nothing I called the city on his ass. They showed up, gave the guy a fine, and then they got off their ass and fixed the leak.

I'm not going to waste my time bullshitting around with this crap. I asked once, you blew me off, so F you, here you go. Likely your neighbor had the same mentality.

 

[octavio3311]

I like a nice exhaust as much as the next guy. But a Honda with no mufflers. I would’ve cut the kid off myself on his second visit.

 

[crazy4life]

This is exactly what’s wrong with society today. The poor kid this and the poor kid that, the fact of the matter is he drove illegally with a plate from a different car, not registered ,no exhaust, no tread on the tires, illegal tint, and disturbed the shit out of all your neighbors every time he comes around. You’re making excuses for this kid is exactly what’s wrong with society today. Nobody wants to take responsibility for their own actions. I guarantee you that kid was one panic stop away from killing someone or injuring himself with that pos. I would have told my daughter she was not allowed in that car and would have him let him use my car if my daughter was going out with him. Today's youth have been told their special their whole lives. Let's give them participation trophy's so there self esteem is not affected. Parents today want to be their kids best buddies and not their parents. This kid drove around your development disturbing all your neighbors at all hours of the day and night and the neighbors are the problem? If it was me I would tell your neighbor thanks for teaching the kid a valuable lesson about real life because I was unwilling or unable too. You showed your neighbors that you have no respect for their right to have some piece and quit in the house that they paid for. Sometimes the truth hurts and you just have to accept it for what it is.

 

[Brad_Ct]

This has been a helpful post for me as we are having a issue with our neighbors dogs barking for sometimes hours at a time. Our houses are on 1 acre lots so it’s not like our houses are that close to each other.

They have a sheltie and a recently acquired dachshund that like to bark at any and everything that moves. We contacted the neighbor one night after the sheltie had been barking for 3 hours and nicely asked if the dog was ok. Turns out nobody was home, he had the dachshund with him and he stated that the dog was fine since they have a doggie door into garage and can come and as it pleased. He knew what I was referring to though because he said he was sorry it had ruined our evening on our lanai kind of sarcastically.

From what I have researched our County doesn’t have any laws pertaining to nuisance dogs and only has noise ordinances pertaining to dB levels so I don’t think there is anything they will do about it.

 

[zipper]

This has been a helpful post for me as we are having a issue with our neighbors dogs barking for sometimes hours at a time. Our houses are on 1 acre lots so it’s not like our houses are that close to each other.

They have a sheltie and a recently acquired dachshund that like to bark at any and everything that moves. We contacted the neighbor one night after the sheltie had been barking for 3 hours and nicely asked if the dog was ok. Turns out nobody was home, he had the dachshund with him and he stated that the dog was fine since they have a doggie door into garage and can come and as it pleased. He knew what I was referring to though because he said he was sorry it had ruined our evening on our lanai kind of sarcastically.

From what I have researched Florida doesn’t have any laws pertaining to nuisance dogs and only has noise ordinances pertaining to dB levels so I don’t think there is anything the county will do about it.

The State may not, but your town may, ours does. Section 5 and by definition 3f.

 

[AZMark]

This is exactly what’s wrong with society today. The poor kid this and the poor kid that, the fact of the matter is he drove illegally with a plate from a different car, not registered ,no exhaust, no tread on the tires, illegal tint, and disturbed the shit out of all your neighbors every time he comes around. You’re making excuses for this kid is exactly what’s wrong with society today. Nobody wants to take responsibility for their own actions. I guarantee you that kid was one panic stop away from killing someone or injuring himself with that pos. I would have told my daughter she was not allowed in that car and would have him let him use my car if my daughter was going out with him. Today's youth have been told their special their whole lives. Let's give them participation trophy's so there self esteem is not affected. Parents today want to be their kids best buddies and not their parents. This kid drove around your development disturbing all your neighbors at all hours of the day and night and the neighbors are the problem? If it was me I would tell your neighbor thanks for teaching the kid a valuable lesson about real life because I was unwilling or unable too. You showed your neighbors that you have no respect for their right to have some piece and quit in the house that they paid for. Sometimes the truth hurts and you just have to accept it for what it is.

The way people handle their problems is also a big part of what’s wrong with society. It’s not just the damn kids.

 

[Babin Farms]

The way people handle their problems is also a big part of what’s wrong with society. It’s not just the damn kids.

Kinda reminds me of this

 

[mwalker4]

I'm trying to figure out why you're mad. From the description, the neighbor did you a favor that you kind of asked / dared him to do. When he texted, you could have picked up the phone to discuss it with him, knowing that it is hard to convey accurate tone in a text message. Most Neighbors typically hate to interact with each other about negative things, so if he took the initiative, he was upset. I'm guessing your response caused his amygdala to hijack him focused on the boy. He could have thought the boy had disrespected you to begin with.